Thursday, June 5, 2014

Coming up...The 4th of July!

It's coming up... the 4th of July! Are you ready? Do you have the fireworks in place and the band-aids ready (or tourniquets)? After all, the kiddies don't understand what an out-of-control firework can do.


I remember sparklers! They were/are awesome! Oh wait! Your kid got burned by a sparkler? I'm so sorry! Did you not teach them to stay away from the stove when the burners were on? No? Then you reap what you sow...idiocy!


Sadly, they don't make them anymore. These were the king of firecrackers! They could blow your hand off, but what the heck, they had a warning on them (see above) and made a LOT of noise! Also, if you packed them in mud and threw them in a pond, they'd sink and explode way underwater, knocking out fish, which would float to the top. A lazy way to fish, but tremendously funny.

Cherry Bombs?

These were really cool, but a notch below M-80's. They'd still split a metal fence post when you dropped one in with a baseball placed on top! They're now known more as a fancy drink.

Bottle Rockets?

Probably the most dangerous of fireworks (if you've been drinking)! After all, you could hold onto the stem, light it, and point it at your brother. When it ignited, all you had to do was let go. The rest was history. It might end up in his hair, on the ground, or in your mother's lap. It guaranteed being disciplined for recklessness!

Black Cats?

Now we're talking! These dudes were the most-versatile of all. You can use them for a wholebunch of things...

Shock! You know, throw a lit one behind your sister as she walks to the car to go to Church! That'll make her pray!

Wait! Your Dad might beat the crap out of you for doing that. On second thought, stay away from throwing Black Cats at your sister. It could be the end of you!

Okay, where were we? Oh yeah, Black Cats!

The most versatile firework every made! You think M-80's were awesome? Try tying 10 Black Cats together! You'll get every bit the effect. It won't be a sudden jolt, but it will get everyone's attention!

Now, if you doubt me, I can tell you a true story. I was probably 13 or so. My 8-year old brother and I were holding down the fort when my Mom went to the store. Yeah, Mom's did that back then, but I digress.

I had one last Black Cat. I wanted to throw it and have it explode in mid-air, but I needed help. I couldn't light it and heave it without help. Answer: my 8 year-old brother. Yeah! He could light it and I could heave it! Perfect plan! How hard is it to light a fuse?

Well, it's apparently harder than I thought. He didn't light it at the very end of the fuse. He lit it about a fraction of an inch from the firecracker. Try as I might, it never left my hand before it went off.

Ouch! I thought my hand had been hit with a hammer! True to form, I quickly decided to beat the crap out of him, but he was saved when my Mom pulled into the driveway as my brother ran off, fearing for his life.

Needless to say, no words were ever spoken. My Mom would have beat the crap out of me!

Lord knows I miss those days...

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